Written for https://weareher.com/fluid/
I walk into a holiday party that my friends are hosting. I figure she might be there as these are mutual friends. She spots me first and walks over. She looks stunning, as usual. It’s been months since we’ve spoken, but our present encounter seems casual and flirty.
This very tall muscular man walks over to us. He and I chat about sports and she oddly pretends not to know anything on the subject. She introduces him as her boyfriend. I know what you’re thinking – she’s a Bi girl at that baby-making-age – but, she doesn’t want children. This forces me to realize that he just has something, as a fellow humanoid, that complements her more than me.
It is my belief that we are all metaphorically “fluid”.
It is because of learned rigid social constructs that we grasp so desperately to gendernorms, heteronorms and homonorms. In our social construct men are held to viscous standards. Men who know that they are attracted to both men and women are likely to keep their fluidity in a box. Being a Fluid man is perhaps almost as ‘unacceptable’ in the gay community as it is the heterosexual one.
Being a Fluid female is misunderstood, but it certainly is more accepted. While it’s true that fluid individuals possess a higher pool of potential partners, this does not equate to being out every night having orgies. Everyone no matter their sexual orientation, attractiveness or age has the opportunity to cheat on his or her partner. It is a person’s integrity, not their orientation, that causes that lack of trust.
In addition to fluid individuals being falsely viewed as promiscuous, we are also viewed as “just being in transition”.
In my opinion, there is actually a logical reason why it’s such a common misconception. We don’t usually walk around in the physical world with signs on our foreheads explaining our sexuality. As a judging and perceiving species we make this call based on each person’s appearance and the appearance of his or her partner.
When I hear the word “fluidity,” I think of malleable liquids traversing through pipes. And when I hear “fluid,” I think of water – a fluid that has the ability to sustain a population or decimate it. We have to trust in water for our survival. We also have to trust that it won’t destroy us. Trust is paramount in all our relationships.